I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
