he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
