Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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