It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
