put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
