i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
