you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
