Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
