You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
