It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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