I am in a vortex of obligation.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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