Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
