There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
