You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
