Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
