Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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