im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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