you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
