Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
