i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
