I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
