and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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