Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
