he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
