dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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