he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
