As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize