I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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