Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
