So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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