just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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