Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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