we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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