i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just high enough for therapy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
