I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
