I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
