the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
