when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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