I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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