i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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