I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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