lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
