Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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