i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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