it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
