Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
