your thong is hanging out like whoa
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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