:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
