Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
