We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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