just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
