FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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