If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
