I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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