i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
