would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
